A new study suggests that, when it comes to sexual satisfaction, the problem for women might be men.
The first time I ever had sex with a woman, I remember being happy but not in the way I had expected. Over the course of several hours, we had multiple orgasms each and, finally, I understood the significance of our recovery periods (or the lack thereof) to women’s capacity for pleasure.
It even gave me a new found empathy for the plight of your average heterosexual male, inwardly sighing that his partner might be ready to go at it again already. Then I smugly counted my XY fortune.
Which is why I can’t say I’m surprised at the lesbian orgasm ratio in a scientific survey published this week in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
From the 2,850 men and women surveyed, the researchers concluded that men engaging in sex with a familiar partner have a greater chance of orgasm than women – a mean ratio of 85% of men compared with 63% of women.
Lesbians, though, had orgasms 75% of the time. For the guys, it didn’t matter if they are gay, bi or straight – having a penis was enough.
Men: they’ll steal your heart, plunder your face cream and commandeer the most orgasms – but only if you let ’em.
Lesbians, though, reportedly have less trouble reaching orgasm than straight or bi women. Sexologists as far back as Masters and Johnson theorized that lesbians enjoyed sex more because they weren’t inhibited by the same gendered expectations of performance and pleasure – or chaste endurance– that plagues hetero pairings.
If I were a conspiracy theorist kind of feminist, I might think that the lesbian death-bed phenomena was a hetero male ruse, employed to distract straight and particularly bi women from finding out that they were getting shafted while getting it on with men.
The lesbian orgasm rate isn’t just about an advanced skill set, though. The study also determined that the way women sexually identify affects how frequently they orgasm – and bisexual women fare the worst, regardless of whom they’re trying to reach orgasm with.
But bi-visibility, and the still-limited understanding that bisexuality exists as more than just a way station between deciding to be gay or straight, is still hard for many of us to navigate publicly (just watch Anna Paquin explaining her “active” bisexuality to Larry King) and in the bedroom.
So if self-identification – and comfort and attachment to that identification – affects the orgasm ratio, it’s not surprising that bisexual women lag behind.
Meanwhile, I’m left absent-mindedly counting up my climaxes and wondering if I’ve been robbed without realizing it for picking the “wrong” sexual orientation.
While we know the Great Climax Divide exists, scientists haven’t yet offered a solution to the hordes of ritualistically unsatisfied straight and bisexual women. That is where there might just be an opportunity for men to fill the gap: put that old-fashioned psychosocial chivalry to good use, and make sure the women in your lives get their orgasms first.
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